KROTCH Zine (Issue 13)

i Tost: most of my nails
5 stillf eel woman tho

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€ eT

;

40m SUTHBO

yA are

Re
: ~Q

~ =

# ——
eared

yra =e drink joint combating the aa TE sitting adjacent Ey

mute mouth and the poetry reading sucked. yu got yrself into thi
one now it's time to get yrself outuy it

vo a A tne

A = J0 <7

f icer:\ Z

2 i lay yr shit out

| 2 rane: FACEDOWN .

5 (NOT AS SEEN IN PIC)

tell her you have

3 cards. point at each
one counting outloud
not to confuse anyone
or yrslf.

“OK now yr gonna do ‘some magi = right? stack the cards from :
. Tight to left (you should now have 7 on top JOKUR middle and .
ACE bottom. (ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE, BABY).

TAKE yr left thumb and push the top and middle card aside to the
right. NOW with yr right hand flip the two cards SO THAT IT APPEARS
YOU ONLY FLIPPED ONE, Say "as you ban see, on the top T have a JOKER,
flip both cards oveer and put the;top card (THE 7) facedown,’ :

«

. NOW flip the TOP card (which was the middie card) (which is the ..
: JOKER). SHOW EM’ "ae you can see in|the middle i got a joker--every
ot deck of cards has two jokers". flip that shit
over.
Show them the last card--it's the bee. Tell ém' you want them to find
the ace, Put the ace on top of the three cards. ASK EM' "IF YOU'RE SUCH

eK, soot CELE — Se THR ACE is. |

ae WILL POINT TO THE TOP. TELL THEM THEY: ARE POET, THEY ARE
eee Se POETS ARE ALWAYS CORRECT. PKN SHIT HE
ROUX but not so fast, ~, g , push the two top cards to
the right (LIKE BEFORE) with your ithumb. place them koth on the re
; MPs ttow-OF THE DECK 60. it looks 1SkO'VE Oily put the top one déwn ~*~
there. "NOW POET, where's the ace? "iShow them the bottom--it will be a
JOKUR. HAHAH! THEY WILL SAY "ok eee guy how "pout the “PB, huh?"

NOW PUSH THE TOP CARD TOWARDS You WITH YR INDEX FINGUR AND PUSH
THE MIDDLE CARD TOWARDS THEM WITH YR RING PINGHER.
(this will allow you to pinch the top and Sarton
card together with yr thumb and pointer fungher).
Grab ‘em both and flip em’. "NOPE, NOT THIS TIME PORT JOKEER
AGAIN” HAHAHA! flip em’ back hoth gain. -- ALL CARDS FACEDOWN =

“how bout the middle? SPREAD EM’. PRAB THE MIDDLE -- JOKER

AGAIN HAHAH,
OKA- THROW EM’ A BONE. this is how! the stack should be now BOTTOM UP
(JOKER - ACE - 7) TAKE EMM se ala AND SHOW EM’.

-PIRST...JOKER...SECOND...ACE...ASK EM! WHAT'S NEXT? THEY SAY JOKER YOU
SHOW EM' 7. YOU'RE THE BEST POET THERE-- THE BIGGEST SCAM AND
sccnginieibcaeetennasieunci ea
SHITHEAD AROUND. :
ee ad :

zm

as

ee mete ny
CoS +a aly

A

OGGI ILLUSTRATO e 119

id

Jennifer promised she would come
put she didn't

and she didn't even

ha dedicato una Legis
ta semplice, mort: ®

wey would I
i Renzo Biasion pother to lay flowers on Bee

pastelli di Stringa e i grandi qua-
dri di Dall’Oca Bianca corre lo
stesso divario di qualita che c’é
tra un poeta gentile e un oratore
dalla voce troppo rotonda. E logi-
co e spiegabile che Stringa sia ri-
masto nell’ombra e appartato, co.
me lo fu, in quell’epoca e dopo, un
altro poeta della pittura, della cui
grandezza la : dale solo

the generational
shy anxiety
permeating all
tp i | . suffocating all
lato, A tutti cor timbro genuino a ; j : now that we've finally
della poesia. Tl sanne amasc— ab 7 zis t opened up

Alberto S > ri 4

ree ne 0 Pp

pect AA F)
iu che 1 € 4 ‘ 4 ‘
egli sise £ : r.

libero, il y
Un canto vw" ‘
nire la sua 7
canto veneto,

es el |
zione lirica di sop A

era prima di andare a letto (0 in qualsiasi momento del giorno),
per combattere la stitichezza abituale ed ostinata
on le sue conseguenze quali emicrania, nausea, spossatezZa,
potete prendere un cucchiaino di Lubricol.
E un lassativo efficace e di sapore gradevole.

diritto di restay
e sereno, al //
combattuto 1
to guardareg

TI dipinti
hanno, per

uniti ai ™
a ridar Vi. 4 io
va diventand §
gruppo dive we
esperti della,¥
peccabili tec

dotati di 7 20%
artistiche.§

letta » di)
20 tra /ac

Sandro a Wt el
noto, fece . =
ma, per temperamento sempre
aperto al nuovo, é ora considera-
to, tra i. figurativi, un artista di
punta. Meno conosciuta é la sua

3 del 28/10/68 del Min. della Sanita

vvhite spneres
Murky shadows
7:59 A.M.
52th parallel
~ Sailing north
‘Peeking soutn
Straight starsight ahead
' Unreachable expanse
Stay afloat
Tired feet
Suaken Swoiien ioes
Water climbing along foot arches
Broken bicycles along the sideway
Crashing cars on the cold asphalt
Tjalma road

arash 4. Lin
Vaining pains, taintea Wit ulbuiuuu

Imagine the face of a homeless man

Asking for two euros
Riding backwards

Deep into the tunnel behind my spine}, :
=

\Alharn linht die
VVIIVE ugiie LOTre)

Fade out
Pushing daisies throauah curinaac

Not by the big white sphere in sight

Not by the sea
Not by the river underground
Screams heard by none

Not by an arrow holding together feet of

mine on top

Not by a Macedonian phone line
Awaiting a call?

Avenue’s shut off

About an hour and a half ago
Asieep, Collapse

Drift away

Dumb nimbus

Grey sky

‘Can we hibernate from December

iim)
rte) Mai cn 1 4 Sti LH

‘Just like bears?’

‘Indeed’

‘At least we'll be together bored’
Late night, hostel, Husitska street

VAlA waran’t avact harana
vvo WCren ¢ cxacily wuIlrvnu

What are those voices in my head?

What are the stories that they tell?

Downward- looking cone of glare
Spark

Out

Fall

‘Credit card declined’
‘Read the yellow screen
‘Try again’

Says the moody driver
Passive aggressive tone
Does he know?

‘Can he tell?

Sos ner we Iso_e inocrita. Pretenae |s this a pattern of gravitational suspense?

What went on the night before?

OR AiR acd dacinae! A massive object, dark and central

| Exit bus ae
Passenger looks outside his window BE
' Pity og

Little does he know

: None will reach the sea |
And rain won’t touch my hair
Their bus will reach the sea no more;
Rain evaporates if it's ignored y

Shout and silence! ;
; 10 solita black hole in half?

y Ahh DA Vie

Unheard of fa ponies Un

& U erstand? m altre donne
Nevermore * Would understan ebeseeae i
Not today “Let us try!

|
ao

1st

“Is it those who wore my skin eons ago? ‘Are you the shape that Burien me ina

Is it those whose spirits live among us? recurrent dream?

: Stumbling upon troubled manifestations of it z
rili

a

' re it -peilocybin in my system?

weeewrees

4 lust

With a face toward the spheres at night

TAL

i watched | \ : :
real poets Z
appropriate the inappropriate

\ I watched fA PT — 7 nl

& woman give Birth on the c-line red line from south town

to north and smoke a rollie with black coffee sunday

morning after pushing for 19 and 20 seconds straight

between breaths like stanza line break and honza wasn't a
there to cut the umbilical from the kosice horice |

SRA

poetry belongs to the shit heads the illiterates and the
elf-deficates

pecauee to be a shit head illiterate self deficate \\

the opposite must also
exist ~,

{b>

‘uae poetry Bone

a too far too

soon too against
moon? moon that is

in front of me in front of you?

Has poetry
has poetry
has poetry

happened yet and when

a is SES vedi < le oe
will I know when it ‘has happened? - :

ei

And at this

Cx
is it a poetry
yet smoked yet —
all my tapacka’
under hatcka?
certainly
certainly

certainly

Ministry of
- Culture to
Prescribe Branik

- (MALASTRANA) The
Ministry of Culture
is entertaining a
proposal that was
brought to congress
last week which calls
for Branik
prescriptions for
young people due to a
shortage of writers.

"Young people today

' seem to be afraid to

- write--and we mean,
write like really
right writing," stated
Michaela Cursivova.

"And what about
tangible cultural
heritage--shouldn't it
be soberly polished
before presentation?"
questioned state law
makers.

Cursivova simply
responsed, "What's more
culturual than
getting piss drunk in
a notebook with your
friends?"

The measure has since
been endorsed by the
KROTCH Editorial
Board which, is
itself, a bottle of
branik and a
half-smoked pack of
Winston cigarettes.

REPORIS

= 3 »

=

ew} >

Study: Ears,
Eyes Needed to
reate Poetry

(NORTH ZIZKOV) A group
from a team of Prague's
sub-division of the
literary culturual
branch of poets in North
Eastern Zizkov published
a erent perenne
report this week that
showed that art is,
indeed, still in the ears
and eyes of the beholder.

Bullshit Poem

(ZIZKOV) Last week,
KROTCH reporters were
notified that a
rejection letter from
the U.S.-based Poetry
Poundation was delivered
to resident Petra
Mladkova.

In light of the
rejection, Zizkov
residents traveled from
as far as East and even
South Zizkov for the
celebration which
stretched late into the
evening.

The rejected poem was
composed entirely out of
bull's shit and featured.
both consistency and
complexity, variables
that would deteriorate
over time and change
connotation based on the
context it exists. The
piece was a testament to
contextually-based
poetics.

"I'm proud the piece was
confirmed to go against
convention--you never
know with all the
bullshit the Poetry
FPoundation publishes,"
stated Mladkova.

Improvising

Musicians Exposed

as Actors

(NARODNI TRIDA) Over the
weekend at a monthly
improv jam session,
several musicians
admitted to being actors,
"just playing the role”.

The event, which should
remain unnamed for
legal reasons, is
marketed as an
improvational, one-time
pappening with
musicians improvising
together.

However, on further
rhaibit hand “pelgete ot it was
found that the event is,
indeed, staged, and the
improv is meticulously
orchestrated.

The revelation came
after KROTCH reporters
disrupted the harmony
by playing the bass
peed like a violin,

eaving the actors ;
unsure how to respond to
the intrusion.

A keyboardist was heard
frantically asking, "are
we in the key of G or F
sharp?

The experimental
intervention, however,
received thunderous
applause from the
audience, revealing a
stark contrast
between the
performers
clinging to
convention
and the
audience
hungry for
innovation,
or, at least,
something
unexpected.

to. ae
d = ad Ob». 204

Vv 5. Ve = Le i;

Sub sponse Poe+ : Syd. Reswnse: Poetry”

Pao ee
Cos.0 . Obu. 008 :
Subd. Response: Peetry” Subd. ReSponse: Poetry”

art as i understand it

it is misunderstood

and that's

deliberate it should

not get no

where nor know

anywhere but

here--hear
for example how it sounds :

when spoken out :

in this rm, --"art"
is not and
never has been

until it is and then

et

3
Ak

HAVING DIFFICULTIES
RETRACTING YOUR >
PROLAPSE
BACK INTO |
YOUR BODY?

lf you are having difficulties retracting your
prolapse, it is suggested to apply
granulated sugar to the exposed rectum.
Allow the sugar to soak for 15 minutes. The
sugar should absorb the extra water in the
prolapse and help the prolapse reduce. You
must use granulated sugar. Alcohol may
have unintended effects. A sugar substitute
will not work for reducing your prolapse. li
you cannot get your prolapse to reduce,
there is a risk of your anal tissue drying out
or you may get an ulceration. If this
happens, vacate the poetry reading
imemdiately and report to the nearest
Emergency Room.

O00EOCDOOOCOOOSEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

,KROTC!

‘ (—— konnections

M4W ( EARL GREY AT MIDNIGHT ye I didnt know what Earl Grey was made of
You told me its attic dust. That, I determined, was a lie. Were you
coming onto me?

Cia) DRINK MAN, DVA KOHOUTI, KARLIN j) ~ You were derragned with
confidence. You kept stealing drinke off other tables and bringing

them to us sc that we'd drink with you. My friends told you to fuck

off. I thought it was cute. Sorry my friend threw that beer on you.

M4W ( STAROPRAMEN BAR, SMICHOV ) - You wanted to get your piss on and
when you entered and we were all playing cards. You asked for some
service and my colleague told you to leave be you were disrupting
our game. I would have served you...I was the guy with three
eyebrows. Hope you see this, Pe
W4W ( SCAT GIRL DOWN TOWN ) - You were Sisco uLLides on tes I was
oo000ce weeee wooo-ing you. I would have loved to stay but I have a
girlfriend...maypbe she'd like you, too.

W4M ( LEAPLET MAN, KAMPUS» HYBERNSKA ) ~ You are the stoic sage at
Kampus Hyhernska with the contagious laugh. I'd love to get to know
you. I wonder what ye favorite fruit is?

W4MW ( YOU PUCKED ME . GNDERDOGS' NEW (MEARS.) - You and yr "band"
destroyed my ears. Couldn't find yu on social media -- "Vichnar's?
Sister?” what was it? Anyways, you need to pay my hospital
bill--rupturec ear drum & leaky spleen.

Se.

M4? ( ANYWHERE ANYTIME ) - I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE. LET ME xNOw No.
ARTISTS PLEASE. Ses
M4W ( TREADMILL TECHNICIAN, KARLOVA NAMESTI ) ~ You told me ae my
o-face. I told you that the tredmill kept shocking me and a wasn't,
actually, having an orgasm. But mayke I was? s,

M4W ( POET WITH EYES THE SIZE OF THE OLIVES ) - You did a reading at klub
patra. I didn’t get the metaphor about olives and fingers, but I could
have eaten the olives straight from your beautiful black eyes.

M4MM ( JUST LOOKING FOR A FRIEND ) - I just moved to zizkov and I'm
looking for someone who won't judge me for previously living in nove
mesto. Please.

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